Life Ain't All That Bad

You think your life is awesome and good and going really great. And then out of no where something really crappy and hard happens and life kind of sucks for a while, and then all the sudden, life is better than you ever imagined and you have suddenly grown a lot and become a new person. Its the one thing you can count on in life....this cycle of happiness and trials and greater happiness and harder trials. I've definitely been through a few in the past year. But right now life is super awesome :) I'd forgotten how happy I could be! I mean I thought I was happy, but now, I am so happy and just love life! I have so many blessings. It's amazing to know myself again. I definitely lost who I was for a while. I've found myself again.

I haven't written a blog in such a long time because I really just didn't have anything to write about! I'm just living a normal boring life these days. I work at Zion's bank as a teller, which is pretty fun as far as working goes (I just wish I could be rich and play and take adventures and never have to work haha). And besides that I hang out with friends and go running and rock climbing and boating and such. I don't have a lot of pictures to share, but I will put up what I have.

I was inspired to write a blog tonight because I had treatment today. It was a lot of fun. I know it sounds silly, but I think I am going to kind of miss going to the infusion center once or twice a month. I love the nurses there and I love talking to the patients and making people happy when they feel miserable. I brought some candy today because the last few treatments I've gone and just read to myself and haven't visited with people like I used to. So today I brought candy so I could have an excuse to walk around and talk to people. Everyone was excited to have candy or at least excited to have someone come over and smile at them so big and tell them to have a fun awesome day :) One lady come up to me after I'd sat back down and began to cry and told me thank you so much for having such a bright positive attitude and that I really made her day. I loved it. I love things like that. It makes me so happy to see that I can make others happy. I also made a new friend today!! Her name is Tami and she has colon cancer and has been going through treatment for THREE AND A HALF YEARS!!!!!! Oh my gosh. I can't even imagine how draining that would be. It would be so incredibly emotionally and mentally draining not to mention physically. She was so much fun to talk to, I love making chemo friends. We talked about how much different cancer patients view life and how stupid petty things don't matter anymore. She was talking about how she had to deal with drama at work and how it just seemed so ridiculous to her when she was just grateful that she even could come to work. I have definitely become a lot more loving and understanding towards others.

As I was driving home I was admiring the mountains and thinking how much I LOVE our mountains here in Utah. When I get to a lookout point on a trail run, I can't help but stop and take in the view. The top of a mountain I have just climbed is probably one of my favorite places to be/see. The view from a mountain that you have just hiked or climbed or ran is soooo much more gorgeous than a view that you get from driving to a lookout point or something. Even if they are the exact same view, you appreciate the grandeur much more when you have accomplished something to get there. It is the same in life. I appreciate things so much more than I ever have before. I'm glad that God knows what he is doing with me. He definitely has got an amazing plan in store for me. I would never have chosen this path for myself, but I'm glad he knew better than me :) Why is it that parents always know best? 

Some pictures from the Teton mountains in Idaho. We spent a weekend there in July for the Bossard family reunion. I love my family. We are so awesome. We went river rafting, hiking and did a mud run 5k at our family reunion. Way cooler than the average family!

People always ask how I'm feeling. Even now, even seven months out of chemotherapy. No offense, but it seems like a silly question to me. I also don't really like when people tell me "Wow, you look so good!" As if I'm supposed to look like a sick weak person just because I had cancer? I know I know that no one means it like that and I don't really get offended, but I do get tired of hearing that. So....just tell me that you like my hair or just don't comment on how I look :) And if you do, I'll forgive you and know that you just care about me and are happy to see me looking healthy and not like a cancer zombie dead sick person.

But....to answer how I'm feeling since everyone always asks me, I feel great and normal like a normal person. I am not back to 100% myself yet, but I am comparing my 100% to when I was a collegiate athlete, so obviously I still have a way to go. I am still weak, but I've been rock climbing and slowly, very very slowly, I am getting a little stronger. My endurance has vastly improved this last month! I have been doing 9 mile runs about once or twice a week and one day I did a 10.5 mile run at an 8:15/mile pace!!! It was amazing and so fun. I still would like to get faster, but I know it will come in time. My goal is to get back to a 18:30 5k by next year sometime :) I would be sooooo happy if I could do that. On the 24th of July I did the Deseret News 10k. It has been a tradition for me to do it ever year with my dad since I was 12. I've only missed one or two years. Last year I couldn't do it because I was still recovering from surgery. This year I ran it in 42:40 :) I was so happy. I obliterated my goal of 45 minutes. I didn't really know what to expect because I haven't really had a real race since over a year ago. So it was very encouraging and exciting.

Me and my friend Joey Plaskett. It was his first 10k ever and he ran it in 38 minutes! An awesome training partner, he's definitely made me faster and helped me push myself again.

Here's some more pictures from the family reunion. We wore hula skirts and leis for the mud run 5k. It was a great idea. Until we had to swim through a river, jump over fire and army crawl through the mud. Then I was cursing that stupid skirt and how heavy it was all wet and muddy and I couldn't get it off! But it was an awesome race. Plus, I was the first girl to finish so I got this AMAZING trophy straight from Africa! Because the money they raise goes to orphans around the world and the race directors picked up these cool little statues last time they were in Africa helping the orphans. It was definitely the coolest prizes I have ever won.

Inside the cave at the top of the mountain we hiked to. It got pretty narrow and it was FREEZING inside. Like 32 degrees. There was ice. Brrrr.

One of my best friends from camp had to go to MD Anderson in Houston for a scan and possible surgery about a month ago. She was nervous because this is a recurrence of her cancer. I made her a care package and I was so excited to send it :) You know those presents you just can't wait to give people? This was one of those times. I made her a Build-a-Bear and put in her favorite candy and cereal and some things to help pass the time while she was there. She lives in Tennessee so she had to stay at the hospital for a week. Luckily she doesn't have to get surgery! She just has to do chemo for a while.

I love her :) I love all the friends I met there! Such amazing and inspiring people. They know what really matters in life.

So I also decided that I am moving to Thailand next year because guess what?! I will be done with treatment in NOVEMBER!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! I am so happy and excited! I thought I was going to have to stay on treatment until next July and I was super bummed and really really sad. But my doctor said it'd be dumb to stay on it that long because the side effects are worse than the slight minuscule benefit that we might possibly have by staying on it any longer. So that means I will be free soon! My mom says "No you need to stay and work" Why? Why does society say that? I am 23. I have the REST OF MY LIFE to work. Someday I will probably have a family. I will never be single and young again. Why do I have to stay here and work? I don't. I don't have to do what society expects me to. I can have fun adventures right now. And I'm going to. Probably even as recently as a year and a half ago I would have talked about something like this, but I never would have actually been "irresponsible" enough to do it. But I realize now after what I have experienced in life, that a bucket list should be more than a wish list. How many people actually accomplish very much on their bucket list? Probably next to none. I've accomplished a lot. And I fully intend to do more. 

Life is an adventure that is meant to be lived

Adventure: an exciting or unusual experience. A risky undertaking with an uncertain outcome

For my adventures this upcoming month I have planned to do a trail Ragnar race at Snowbasin, spend a week in Lake Powell, do a sprint triathalon and hike King's Peak in two days. 

No more rambling. Go, live your dream! 

(ten points to anyone who knows what that quote is from!)

1 Year, 2 Surgeries, 18 Chemo Treatments

One year ago today I was diagnosed with Stage IV Ovarian cancer. Little did I know it would be the easier of my upcoming trials for the year. I sure have learned a lot and grown in ways I would have never imagined. I'm more grateful for life and less afraid of expressing myself. I have learned to tell people that I care about them and to make time to spend with friends and family. I've been more blessed than I could have dreamed. Life is sure hard sometimes. I know I've said it before but the only way to handle hard things is to live life one day at a time. Make the most of every moment you have. I'm grateful for the growth I've experienced this year. I've had some really hard things but I know that everything happens for a reason.

To celebrate my 1 year since diagnosis anniversary, I of course am spending it at no better place than the good old Huntsman Center getting my maintenance drug infusion. I'm lucky to have such a sweet mom that is willing to spend her Friday morning sitting around with me. Later today we will be heading to Logan for the Little Red Riding Hood bike ride. I did it last year less than 2 days after my diagnosis and before my first surgery. It really means a lot to me to be able to ride,  this year cancer free. We are planning on doing seventy miles!

Last night I got to have a girl's night with the most adorable little girl, my sweet cousin. We had lots of fun together. We went swimming,  painted pictures,  played with dolls, watched Tangled, made brownies and ate them warm with ice cream. How precious little children are. So sweet and just think the world of you. Even playing dolls was fun :)

And I always have to include a picture of Koda....I got him a new frisbee without a center so he can pick it up easier. He loves it. And loves to wear it haha. I love the little guy.

Wish me luck on the bike ride tomorrow!!! I'm a little nervous, 70 miles is pretty far! But I did run NINE miles yesterday without dying so I think I'm getting back in shape :)

Diamond from the Rough

You know the saying that diamonds are just pieces of charcoal that handled pressure extremely well? Well I am planning on becoming one dang beautiful perfect huge sparkly diamond. Yep. That's the plan.

On a side note, I have been way busy and having so much fun! I don't know how anybody has a full time job; how do people have time to socialize and do fun things?? I have the greatest friends and family.

I really hate being cliche so I'm not going to write a whole post about my incredible mom even though she absolutely deserves it! But I will give her a little shout out. I have such an awesome mother. She takes such great care of me and does SO much for me. She has helped me so much, especially lately. She was the most amazing care-giver any cancer patient could ever ask for and she continues to spend so much time doing things for me. This year I gave her a really special Mother's Day present. My uncle Dave Despain (pianist for The Salamanders...awesome band, you should check them out on Facebook) helped me record a CD for my mom of a bunch of her favorite songs! I played viola and he accompanied me on piano. It was so much fun and turned out amazing. It was really fun to give it to her :) We did songs from Phantom of the Opera, Les Misreable, Sound of Music, some church hymns, etc. This is the picture I put on the cover :) She was patient with me for so long as a kid, forcing me to practice and making me stick with it. I'm so glad she did! Thank you Mom for teaching me not to give up. It's a lesson I've definitely needed in my life.

The best Mother's Day present for all of us was getting to talk to our missionary Josh! He is doing so well. He has grown up a lot and is so responsible and happy and outgoing. It was really fun getting to talk to him. He is serving in the Anaheim California mission and is currently located in the Yorba Linda area. Such a stud.

So Friday it rained. I love the rain. Like really truly LOVE the rain. It was the most perfect kind of rain there is. The sun was still shining through the clouds, it was warm, and there was a beautiful vibrant rainbow shining the whole time. It was a lovely evening at the park. I'm grateful for rainbows. I know that they are God's way of telling us that everything is going to be okay. I know that everything IS going to be okay.

I took this on my phone at the park.

I got to go dirt-biking with my dad and brother at a motocross track in North Salt Lake. It is super fun to go to because there are huge jumps. I forgot how much I like to dirtbike. It's been a really long time since I went!

I also got to go to the Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point. It was pretty! 

One night I even went rock climbing! It was awesome. By the end I thought my arms were going to fall off. I couldn't even grab the rocks anymore. I wish it was cheaper to do it because it is so much fun. I need to find someone that will take me in the outdoors that already has equipment ;)

Everyone was pooped.....especially Zack :) hahaha. We all felt like he looks.

My cousin Rachel graduated in Psychology from the University of Utah!!! Yay! We got to go to her graduation and out to dinner at Taggart's after. Graduating is the best. No more school! At least for a while....

Apparently Taggart's has a peacock theme. Never seen a peacock in real life so close before!

And this is my awesome Aunt Debbie. I am going to visit her in Las Vegas this weekend, I am SOOO excited. Hot sunny days by the pool and nothing to worry about. I can't wait.

This past weekend we went to my dad's lake. It was a perfect day and we had a ton of fun. Koda especially liked it. I guess he likes to swim :) Such a cute little bugger.

He's getting real big. I love him. And Koda and Gizmo are starting to get along better now. They even snuggled on the couch tonight.

One of the coolest things I've done lately was get to see Cassadee Pope in concert! It was a tiny little event with maybe 30 people. We got to meet her after and talk to her and hug her. She is adorable and the nicest person ever! For those of you who have no idea who she is, she won The Voice last season. She played her new music for us and we got to hear the single she's going to release on June 4th on The Voice! It was incredible. My cousin Brittany was dying; it was so fun. Plus I have always wanted to meet a famous person and now I have!

She is seriously so pretty.

And we were totally freaking out. At least I was. Obviously. I'm such a nerd.

I have her SIGNED poster hanging in my closet :)

Also, I have become hooked on Gilmore Girls. It has saved my life. Thank you to Lorelai Gilmore for teaching me how to me social and funny. Her and Rory are the best date night buddies :)

My cousin Brittany let me borrow her whole collection. Like I said, I have awesome friends and family.

Well I know reading about my normal mundane life is pretty boring so here is a cancer related sentence or two. I am feeling pretty good. My hair just keeps growing like a weed, I even think I'm needing a haircut. So if anybody knows a really good hairstylist that can cut short hair well please recommend them to me! I'm scared to just go to anyone. I really want a cute pixie and I'm nervous to have someone ruin it if they aren't good at short hair. I had a cold about 2 weeks ago and it took me a while to recover from that but I think I finally am feeling good again. I've been running and even trying to go to the gym. I guess I have osteoporosis now :/ pretty weird for an (almost) 23 year old, but such is life! I just have to keep lifting weights and running and try to eat healthy!

New Normal

It has been AGES since I wrote a blog post. I know. I'm sorry. It's like my journal, I am sooooo good at it for months and months and then all the sudden I fall out of the habit and can't get back into it. Mostly I just got busy and then when I wanted to write about something I didn't have pictures for it so I thought it'd be too boring to write about. But this blog is my journal now and I know I'm going to want to write things down so I can read back over them later or maybe, just maybe, my future kids might want to read it. Who knows.

I got a job about 2 weeks ago! I only work Monday, Wedneday and Friday but I feel so busy and I haven't had time to write. Okay I obviously have all day on Tuesday or Thursday or Saturday or Sunday but......I feel like I have been busy haha. I am working as a physical therapy aide at Performance Rehab Clinic in Draper of 12300 S. I work from 7:30am to 2:30 or 3pm. Then I change into my running clothes and run from work and then I get home around 4:30ish. I have been having a ton of fun and I really am enjoying what I do. I definitely don't do it for the pay...but it is great experience and I like it which is important.

I wrote at the beginning of February that I was finally feeling back to normal......I must have forgotten what "normal" felt like because now at the beginning of March I am realizing that even just a month ago I was far from normal! I cannot believe how much different I feel now! I didn't realize it until I went skiing yesterday and I was able to ski all day, hard, without needing a break every 5 minutes or feeling like I was going to die. I didn't remember that you shouldn't feel like you are going to collapse after one really hard run. I didn't remember what it felt like to be able to breathe without feeling sick to my stomach. I didn't remember that when I go running I shouldn't feel like I'm going to pass out after 15 minutes. All of these things I am able to do lately and it is so incredible!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel AMAZING. I can wake up at 6:30 in the morning and function all day. I can stay up till midnight without becoming a zombie (I mean I'm still an early to bed kind of gal but if needed, I can stay up). I am back up to running 5 1/2 to 6 1/2 miles a day. Two Saturdays ago I ran for 7 miles! And I did 41 minutes without stopping. On Friday I ran the last three miles of my six mile run at an under 8 min/mile pace :) I seriously did not realize how tired I had been the past 8 months of my life. Maybe even longer. I think the cancer in me was making me fatigued even before I started chemo.

I am so incredibly grateful every single day for my health and my body and my energy. I sometimes want to cry because I feel SO much better I can't even comprehend it. My hair is finally a cute length. I can style it cute and in the next month or so I can probably even get a hair cut! Never thought I'd be excited to be able to have a hair cut haha.

I titled this post "new normal" because even though I am feeling "normal", normal will never be the same for me. I have really struggled with some of the after effects of cancer. Like having a 10 inch scar down my stomach that makes it all lumpy and misshapen. And having a weird belly button that I have to clean out (who cleans their belly button?) And having the metabolism of a post-menopausal lady. Just things that I am learning to live with and accept. Some days I do better than other days, just like anyone. Although I do think that surgeons should have to take a semester's worth of plastic surgery courses. Just sayin' ;)

My brother Josh has been in the MTC for 12 days now. He is really enjoying it and sounds so happy. I've only heard from him twice but both times he just sounded like he was enjoying it a lot. He got to give his first priesthood blessing this last week and he got to use my cancer story to help an investigator he was teaching :) I am glad he's doing well. He seems to really be flourishing. He leaves for the field in California on Tuesday. My sister-in-law leaves for her mission on Wednesday. SO crazy. She's really excited too.

Okay I have like 3 more posts I need to write this week so come back for more updates :) Sorry this post was so much talk and so little pictures, not as much fun to read, I know, but it's stuff I gotta say, at least for myself.

P.S. That last sentence had four commas. Pretty sure any English teacher would kill me.

What a Chemo-free Life is Like

Well it has been 5 weeks and 1 day since my last chemotherapy treatment. Just this past week I started to finally feel like I am back to normal. Basically. I can run without feeling like death! I can actually run! Like I'm running and not walk-jogging. I felt like I had set a world record the day that I ran 4 miles at an 8:30 min/mile pace :) Funny how life changes your perspective. A year ago I would have thought it was the end of the world if I ran that slow haha. Now I am ecstatic.

I also have started noticing little tiny baby hairs coming back in my eyelashes! YAY! I really hated not having eyelashes. Sterling says he can see baby eyebrows too but I haven't noticed those yet. I did have to shave my armpits though! Haha. Probably TMI but when you've been hairless for so long it is a weird thing to have to start doing again.

I have been doing lots of fun things!

We went over to Grammy's house to watch Suits one night and she introduced us to Honeybells. It is a fruit that is a mix between a tangerine and a grapefruit. It sounds not very good but they were delicious! Super sweet and incredibly juicy. That's why we got to wear bibs. They only grow in Florida one month of the whole year so you have to special order them. But yum!

One day I went sledding out at my dad's lake behind our 4-wheelers. Even my mom was brave enough to go! 

Last week Sterling and I played parents to my cousins while their parents were in Jamaica. They are 10 and 8. Thanks to Pinterest I found a super fun activity for the boys to do one day. Ninja Nerf Gun Target Practice. I made each balloon worth a different amount of points and every time they hit the balloon they got points. At the end they could cash in their points for some awesome prizes. Basically they thought I was the coolest babysitter and cousin ever.

Koda had to stay at my parent's house all week because the boys are allergic to dogs :( It was really sad, we missed him a lot!

Cesia and Morgan came over one day and we made Valentine's crafts. I am becoming quite the crafty gal! The main thing we made was 3D paper hearts that are hung from tree branches in a cute glass vase. The whole craft only cost about $3.50! It's cute and not too cheesy or tacky. At least I think so.

Sorry Morgan we forgot to take pictures before you left

Sunday was an exciting day for the Zufelt family. My brother Josh gave his farewell talk in church! He did a great job, he is quite the funny guy. He was nice enough to ask me to play my viola as the special musical number. It was really fun. I wish I had a picture of us on his farewell day to post but I don't. He doesn't leave till the 27th though so we still have a bit of time with him.

After Josh's farewell Caden had his Eagle Court of Honor. He's only 14 (almost)! Pretty impressive. My mom hired a live eagle to come in as part of the ceremony. 

This Monday I went skiing with my dad. It was beautiful and sunny most of the day but freezing cold on top of the mountain. He wanted to take a picture but I was too cold even to show my face for half a second. So this is what he got haha

Next Monday the 18th I have to go back in for my Avastin treatment. It should only take an hour though. It has been nice to have a break from the Huntsman! As great as all the people are there, it is relieving not to be there all the time. I am so happy that I've been able to recover pretty quickly. I'm hoping in another month I'll be completely feeling normal with a super awesome haircut. I am seriously considering putting in purple/blue/pink highlights. Like 90% I'm going to do it. Why not right?

Like wouldn't this be totally awesome?